Things to do this month...Part 2

Last I saw you trusty readers we had just discussed the 15 things the best man is expected. Today we will discuss what the Knot things the maid of honor should do.


1. Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure all bridesmaids get their dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties. - Ann, you are the boss!
2. Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes). - Done and Ann was not here. Actually Kim picked it out and Ellen approved it.
3. Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake. - Um, there has been no offer.
4. Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered. - Actually I am sure that all of Jonesboro may know. This side of the Atlantic, not so much.
5. Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns. - Have fun dressing me - just like the old days, except I am fully continent .
6. Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening. - Basically, she is my bitch.
7. Host or cohost a shower for the bride. - Ann get on this!
8. Attend all prewedding parties. - We haven't had any parties. Yet.
9. Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this). - She can do this because I like her handwriting.
10. Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids. - I am not having one so she is off the hook.
11. See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary. - Who coordinates Ann's lodging since she is the one that really needs it.
12. Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets. - I think she should do all the bridesmaids hair and make up. That would be funnier.
13. Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb. - Nah, already gave this job to the best man in the last post.
14. Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception. - Really, you do have to take care of me the whole day!
15. Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows. - Again, you are my bitch.
16. Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man. - Again, good handwriting is key here.
17. Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead). - We may or may not be having a receiving line and if we do, only B and me will be standing in it.
18. Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc. - She has to do as much socializing as the bride and groom while the Best Man has to dance.
19. Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place. - I trust her.
20. Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm. - Again, you must serve me! This day is going to spoil me.
21. Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others. - You don't have to if you don't want to.
22. Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.) - We have decided she is not going to do this. It was a mutual decision.
23. Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor. - How unstable am I going to get?
24. Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting. - Don't make me laugh on the alter because once I get the giggles I can't stop. And usually it is at inappropriate times.

Why does the MOH have 24 things and the BM only has 13? And why do I need all this assistance and B needs none? These lists are unfair and not very balanced.